First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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