The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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