WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
