he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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