She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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