Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
