I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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