I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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