My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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