I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
