im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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