Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize