So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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