I'm so fucking centered right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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