So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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