An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.