My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing