Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando