she woke up with a sticky ear
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?