just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.