She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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