She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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