The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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