what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
