I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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