I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
