It's like God shit irony all over that family
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
