We won't sleep together?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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