The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's like iHOP with fire
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
don't judge my taste in strippers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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