Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
