her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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