I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize