TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
