i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.