McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.