I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night