Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.