I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!