I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this just has baby written all over it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize