Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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