in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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