Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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