Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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