So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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