Don't you send me to vm
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
