Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
