We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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