watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
