Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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