She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize