Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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