she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize