just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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