I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
