she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
