we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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