I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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