love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry about my life...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
